Quickest Route To STDs–VH1’s Rock of Love

So there I was the other day, innocently flipping through the channels, when I got to the trainwreck new VH1 show, Rock of Love, where Bret Michaels (lead singer of the rock band Poison), is “looking for love.”

I can’t imagine the casting call for this show, but I’m assuming it was along these lines:

Over-the-hill rock star, wears too much makeup and can’t let go of his former glory days, seeks a girlfriend.

Are you a stripper? Do you take illegal substances? Are your breasts 10 sizes too large for your body? Do you dye your hair (both upstairs and downstairs)? Do you have more than one STD? Did you flunk out of 5th grade? Do you have little to no self esteem? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, we’re looking for you! (Intelligent, self-respecting women need not apply.)

Seriously.

And to validate my suspicion, one of the women boasted that her parents paid for her gi-normous fake breasts, and that it’s the best gift they’ve ever given her. Which says a lot about her childhood, including the fact that her family are most likely extras on the film The Hills Have Eyes 2.

So, after watching the trainwreck show for about half an hour, I had to turn it off, de-louse, flea dip and get checked for STDs.

I’m still itchy, but the doctor said that should go away in a few days. He also recommended never watching Rock of Love again.

It’s the best advice he’s ever given me.

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